TAG | comedy
Looking out of the window this morning the sky is blue and there isn’t a cloud to be seen in the sky and this has reminded me of Tit Monday….
Ah, Tit Monday. It’s not that far off now, that glorious day when, heading into work on the bus, or walking to the Tube, or sitting on the train, you find yourself suddenly chirpier than you have been in months.
You find yourself smiling at strangers again. There is a mild involuntary tumescence in your trousers that comes and goes throughout the morning with the comforting regularity of a heartbeat.
And then you get a text around lunchtime from a mate which says: “At last, Tit Monday!” And you instantly understand why you are so happy. For Tit Monday is that special day in the year when, for the first time, the temperature rises above that magical point which causes girls getting dressed in the morning to decide to show a bit of skin.
After months of dull colours and chunky knit, the world’s birds suddenly dive into last summer’s wardrobe (they’ve not had chance to buy this season’s stuff) and chuck it on without a thought.
Your urban landscape is suddenly lightened with acres of naked arm and leg and, after many dark months of burrowing, breasts rising to the surface like moles at dusk. Big breasts in white work shirts straining
at the buttons. Small breasts braless in vest tops, the nipples fretted by ribby fabrics. Breasts in summer dresses bouncing in the distance so that they catch your eye before you even notice there is someone wearing
them. Breasts nudging out from the crowd at traffic islands, quivering to cross the road…And you know it is nearly summer.
For previous generations, the arrival of spring was heralded by the sound of the first cuckoo. For us, it is Tit Monday. Not that it always falls on a Monday. Like Easter, Tit Monday is a moveable feast. Last
year it fell on a Friday. Friday 29 April, to be precise, when temperatures maxed out at 22.1C after nothing much above 16C all year. It last fell on a Monday in 2004, when temperatures leapt to 22C on 24
April. And then, of course, there is Tit Monday Night.
You see, in early summer, temperatures drop off very dramatically when night falls (Tit Friday 2005 dropped away to a parky 11.8C). But the dollies are not prepared. Slightly stunned by the morning heat, they
drag out the summer clothes but forget to bring a cardie (a mistake they will not make again until next year), so that when they’re all standing outside All Bar One after work celebrating the arrival of spring, their
barely covered nipples have no protection from the cold.
It’s like a Bring-and-Buy sale where everyone has brought hat pegs. It’s like a prog-rock gig where, instead of lighters, everyone is holding up nipples.
So when will Tit Monday fall this year? Will you be the first to text your mates with the announcement? Do not shoot your bolt too early. There will be false starts. You will smell fresh cut grass and see a couple of early starters and feel compelled to declare Tit Monday. But your more level-headed friends will tell you to hold your horses, keep your powder dry, don’t fire until you see the whites of their bra straps
As the poet said: one bold Northern slapper in a bikini doth not a summer make.
Stumbled across this this morning and its just amusing. Well worth a watch
I have known for a long time that across the world different words mean different things depending on where you are when you use them – HSBC’s ad campaign has clearly sunk in. This combined with my love for the website urbandictionary.com which which is maintained by the general public to give insight into words and phrases and their alternate meanings.
In some of my spare time I have entered peoples names into the website to see what has come out and I thought I would share these with you.
*PLEASE NOTE the following content is not suitable for young children or anyone easily offended AND DOES NOT REPRESENT TRUE REFLECTION ON THE REAL PERSON*
Arman Zad – A person who likes inserting objects into his anus but also has a small penis
Kate Britton – Someone with an odd masturbation fetish
Mark Cini – A “Bro who likes riding his motor bike”
Nick Jenkin(s) – (I know its without the s but Jenkin isn’t defined this is as close as i could get) – A smelly homosexual geek
Rob “Crom” Cromarty – The Alpha & Omega gang member who takes orders from someone more important than him
Mitch Whitehead – Beating someone over the head with a coconut until it breaks whilst being a man bitch
David Mitchell – A man with an excessive penis
There are more but these are a few that I have collected in recent weeks
I’m sure you have all done it at some point in your life – stayed over at someone’s house and then had to make your way home the next morning with a hangover and generally thinking “Why did I do that last night?”
I read this story in the papers this morning and it amused me. A dog in York called “Ratty” has decided to take himself to the pub on the Number 10 bus. He has been going to the same pub for years but has not been barred because the new owners have a no pets policy.
Ratty used to be able to go into the Black Bull and receive sausages and have a drink until he was barred under the new landlord’s rules (spoilsport). Ratty still gets on the same bus and goes to the same place but now walks across the road to another pub where he is welcomed by staff and customers.
The story has caused mixed reactions and it seems that the majority of people like the story because it appears harmless but certain animal groups are calling for Ratty’s owners to be fined as this is a “criminal offence”.
Source: Daily Mail and Daily Express
I just saw this and thought it was very amusing. Don’t think it has been aired somehow
Oh and if you’re wondering why i have all these videos appearing now I have found a nice WP plugin created by Viper007Bond the plugin is called Viper’s Video Quicktags
