CAT | Fun
Very un-work related but this was filmed outside my old office a few years ago and was sent round work earlier today. Well worth a watch and a chuckle!
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Looking out of the window this morning the sky is blue and there isn’t a cloud to be seen in the sky and this has reminded me of Tit Monday….
Ah, Tit Monday. It’s not that far off now, that glorious day when, heading into work on the bus, or walking to the Tube, or sitting on the train, you find yourself suddenly chirpier than you have been in months.
You find yourself smiling at strangers again. There is a mild involuntary tumescence in your trousers that comes and goes throughout the morning with the comforting regularity of a heartbeat.
And then you get a text around lunchtime from a mate which says: “At last, Tit Monday!” And you instantly understand why you are so happy. For Tit Monday is that special day in the year when, for the first time, the temperature rises above that magical point which causes girls getting dressed in the morning to decide to show a bit of skin.
After months of dull colours and chunky knit, the world’s birds suddenly dive into last summer’s wardrobe (they’ve not had chance to buy this season’s stuff) and chuck it on without a thought.
Your urban landscape is suddenly lightened with acres of naked arm and leg and, after many dark months of burrowing, breasts rising to the surface like moles at dusk. Big breasts in white work shirts straining
at the buttons. Small breasts braless in vest tops, the nipples fretted by ribby fabrics. Breasts in summer dresses bouncing in the distance so that they catch your eye before you even notice there is someone wearing
them. Breasts nudging out from the crowd at traffic islands, quivering to cross the road…And you know it is nearly summer.
For previous generations, the arrival of spring was heralded by the sound of the first cuckoo. For us, it is Tit Monday. Not that it always falls on a Monday. Like Easter, Tit Monday is a moveable feast. Last
year it fell on a Friday. Friday 29 April, to be precise, when temperatures maxed out at 22.1C after nothing much above 16C all year. It last fell on a Monday in 2004, when temperatures leapt to 22C on 24
April. And then, of course, there is Tit Monday Night.
You see, in early summer, temperatures drop off very dramatically when night falls (Tit Friday 2005 dropped away to a parky 11.8C). But the dollies are not prepared. Slightly stunned by the morning heat, they
drag out the summer clothes but forget to bring a cardie (a mistake they will not make again until next year), so that when they’re all standing outside All Bar One after work celebrating the arrival of spring, their
barely covered nipples have no protection from the cold.
It’s like a Bring-and-Buy sale where everyone has brought hat pegs. It’s like a prog-rock gig where, instead of lighters, everyone is holding up nipples.
So when will Tit Monday fall this year? Will you be the first to text your mates with the announcement? Do not shoot your bolt too early. There will be false starts. You will smell fresh cut grass and see a couple of early starters and feel compelled to declare Tit Monday. But your more level-headed friends will tell you to hold your horses, keep your powder dry, don’t fire until you see the whites of their bra straps
As the poet said: one bold Northern slapper in a bikini doth not a summer make.
Last night I had a few friends over for a quiet night in, a few drinks and a bit of home cooking. Once we had eaten and realised that the collection of games all seem to date back to when I was 10 (think Outburst and Pictionary Junior) we had another look in the cupboard and found a compendium of 36 drinking games. Looking through the games in the compendium realised that most of them were rather too complicated for the amount we had already drunk so we took the two dice that were in the box and use these as a basis to a very simple drinking game.
The rules were incredibly simple, roll the two dice and perform the relevant action that corresponds to the sum of the two dice. The list of actions was as follows:
- Doesnt exist (there are two dice)
- Drink 2 digits of your drink
- Drink 3 digits of your drink
- Roll Again (3 consecutive roll agains = finish your drink)
- Choose one other player’s drink and finish it
- Eat two spoons of coleslaw (it was left over from the meal)
- Miss a go
- Repeat the last player’s action
- Make everyone a drink in 1 minute. If you fail finish everything that y0u have made
- Finish your own drink
- All other players drink 3 digits
- Nominate one other player to finish their drink
After a spate of 9s being rolled in succession and most people being triple parked with their drinks we changed the rules for 9 to sample each players drink.
There were only four of us playing but we did finish off 2 bottles of wine, 2/3 bottle of Vodka, 30+ bottles/cans of beer. It was a good evening and a good game to pass the time.
dice · drinking games · social
Whilst following the lead up to the start of the new Apprentice series on BBC last night I noticed one of the twitterers had posted an idea about a drinking game to make the show a bit more interesting (http://twitter.com/norfolkdaysout). Whilst watching the show I thought about it a bit more and thought that this would be an interesting one to play so on the train this morning I can up with a few categories that you would have to drink to. I have even included some rules for the follow up “You’re Fired” show.
The Apprentice
- Any shot of AMS1 – 1 drink
- Video of candidates saying why they will be a good apprentice are shown – 1 drink
- Nick or Margaret talk back to the contestants in the board room – 1drink
- Candidate makes use of clichés such as “I want this more than anything” – 1 drink
- Fight breaks out between team members – 2 drinks
- Candidate storms off during the task – 1 drink
- Candidate quits the show without being fired – 3 drinks
- Sir Alan reveals a double firing at the end of the task – 2 drinks (3 if a triple firing)
- Sir Alan precedes “You’re Fired!” with “You’re a total shambles” or “You’re a lightweight” etc – 2 drinks
- Sir Alan shouts down candidates with comments like “There’s only one job here like there’s only one hole in my bloody arse” – 3 drinks
The Apprentice You’re Fired
- Adrian Chiles tells the Firee not to be so nice to the other contestants – 1 drink
- Each panellist who disagrees with the firing – 1 drink
- All panellists disagree with the firing – finish your drink
- The Firee lays into a fellow contestant during the interview – 2 drinks
- Ex-contestants are in the audience and involved in the interview – 1 drink per contestant
- Nick or Margaret are on the panel – 2 drinks
- A past contestant is on the panel – 3 drinks
- Panellist makes a joke at the Firee’s expense – 2 drinks
If you can think of other rules for the game then let me know and I will add them in.
